Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a research-based approach to couples and family therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. At its heart, EFT helps people rebuild trust, strengthen emotional bonds, and create security in their most important relationships.
EFT is rooted in attachment theory, the idea that humans are wired for connection and that emotional safety is the foundation of healthy love. When that sense of safety is lost, partners can fall into negative cycles: one may pursue for closeness while the other withdraws to avoid conflict. Over time, these patterns erode intimacy and leave both partners feeling unseen and alone.
EFT helps couples see these patterns for what they are: protests of disconnection, not failures of love. Through guided conversations, partners learn to express their deeper emotions and needs in ways that invite understanding rather than defensiveness. The goal is not just to resolve conflict, but to transform the emotional music underneath it, moving from distance and reactivity to closeness and responsiveness.
The Three Stages of EFT
- De-escalation – Identifying the negative cycle and helping partners see it as the common enemy, not each other.
Restructuring the Bond – Expressing vulnerable emotions and unmet needs to rebuild trust and emotional connection.
Consolidation – Strengthening new patterns of interaction and using them to navigate future challenges.
Why EFT Matters
EFT is one of the most empirically supported models for couples therapy, with decades of research showing lasting improvement in relationship satisfaction, emotional intimacy, and attachment security.
It goes beyond assigning blame and focuses on helping each partner feel safe enough to be honest and strong enough to be open. In that space of emotional safety, healing and growth naturally follow.
How EFT Shapes My Work
My early clinical foundation was built on Ecosystemic Structural Family Therapy (ESFT), which, like EFT, recognizes the interplay between structure, emotion, and environment.I was drawn to EFT because of its shared focus on attachment and empathy — two essential forces in human connection.
EFT continues to influence my work today, especially in my use of Relational Life Therapy (RLT).While RLT brings in accountability and truth-telling, EFT reminds me that love flourishes when partners feel emotionally secure and understood.Together, these approaches help clients rebuild trust, deepen connection, and sustain lasting change.